The Great Cretaceous Blog

Why is Ellen DeGeneres in Covergirl ads?

2011-10-19T07:56:00.002-04:00

She looks exactly as old as she is (with all that makeup and lighting and whatever), and her voice sounds like somebody is buttraping a squirrel in my ear. I don't understand.

Also, dreams are really weird. I had a dream about a guy whose head came out his butt and then mandibles came out of his butt... or his mouth? And then he leaped around like a frog butt-face forward. And then there was a tentacley monster space station in space. I kind of wish that's the sort of thing my brain thought of conscious.

I Don't Have Much to Say

2011-06-21T13:18:00.003-04:00

Don't get me wrong, I have plenty to say, but not much unprompted and to the void. Man, that graphic up above is really old. I made that back when I was running amok with Photoshop at MR. I don't think anybody saw it, though, because nobody clicked the "About" section of those things. (Hey, you guys: I think more of you read my blog now that I'm gone than when I was there. You guys do know I had the exact same blog at MR, right?)

Bob is busy! That is essentially what I am saying.

FBI

2011-04-26T12:36:00.003-04:00

I'm reading some news story about the FBI grabbing some dude for downloading child porn when it was really his neighbor stealing his wireless who was guilty. Anyway, a ton of the comments were complaining about how the FBI can grab people who download illegal material, yet they can't catch bin Laden.

It's a domestic organization, America.

Fuck Everything Else You've Heard

2010-12-31T13:14:00.001-05:00

Karkelo & Rekreatur

2010-10-14T05:38:00.003-04:00

Karkelo might be my favourite Korpiklaani album. Tales Along This Road had been their strongest for a long time, but the melodies in Karkelo touch a spot none of their other albums do.

Also, I don't think Rekreatur got its dues; I'd say Sagas didn't get what it truly deserved either, but Rekreatur seems to have gotten it even worse. What little I've heard about the album a bit of whining about how it isn't as good as Sagas and that's about it. It's the best goddamn album of 2010, you dicks. Oh, and it's funny reading people say Equilibrium's sound changed little despite the departure of two members. Guys, Equilibrium is pretty much one dude.

Vivaldi Releases New Material

2010-10-07T11:26:00.002-04:00

I always hope something like this will happen, especially in Vivaldi's case.

Fuck Israel, Cont'd

2010-10-01T11:30:00.003-04:00

All this renewed talk of Israeli "settlers" really has me gritting my teeth about why the fuck people are okay with the US propping up Israel, and then there's stuff like this.

StarCraft 2 is still teh excellent, by the way, though my abilities are severely diminished by the patch that reduced battlecruiser vs ground damage 20%. Those things were ridiculous. I'm starting to become more reliant on viking support groups. Oh, and fuck void rays. They are the bane of my existence.

50,000 Troops is Still a War

2010-08-29T08:19:00.002-04:00

"War" does not mean "a conflict wherein no less than 50,000 troops on one side are engaged".

Anybody who thinks Obama's fulfilled his campaign promise on Iraq is an idiot. Hell, the only one he's held to thus far is that he'd fuck with Pakistan. Mission accomplished, douche.

STARCRAFT 2

2010-08-11T04:05:00.000-04:00

IT'S AWESOME.

Gallowbraid & New Angantyr

2010-07-20T11:46:00.010-04:00

I just want the record to show that Gallowbraid is definitely a band to watch. From what I've heard from the upcoming Ashen Eidolon, Gallowbraid has the potential to violently dethrone Wolves in the Throne Room as kings of American black metal.

Also, new Angantyr this year. FUCK YES. These two sound like they're going to be strong enough to make 2010 better than the lackluster 2009.

Don't Break the Oath Poster

2010-07-15T13:45:00.010-04:00

Bob has one. And you don't.

It's 4 square feet. It's awesome.

Ironbound

2010-06-26T16:26:00.004-04:00

Kind of amazing how they manage to stay relevant. This album kicks ass.

Also, I came across Sabaton's Coat of Arms. Just about every goddamn song is about WW2. AND THERE'S A SONG ABOUT THE WARSAW UPRISING. FUCK. YES.

Susan Collins is a Stupid Bitch

2010-06-22T11:43:00.008-04:00

"we cannot afford to wait for a cyber 9/11 before our government realizes the importance of protecting our cyber resources", she said in support for the Protecting Cyberspace as a National Asset Act. She is a Senator. Who should be raped by monkies.

Bob Loves the Internet

2010-06-15T12:09:00.007-04:00

I got a call from an 800 number, so I Googled it to see what marketing douches have my phone number. Then I found this dialog. So in a way, marketing douches provided me with 30 seconds of amusement. The internet makes the world better.

Edit: Eh, seems like some of the funny posts got deleted. Oh well.

Fuck This Guy

2010-06-13T13:57:00.006-04:00

This is an online review for a local McDonald's:

In Short
The intoxicating smell of golden fries cooked to crispy perfection and succulent burgers sizzling on the grill permeates the space, while a lively chatting and munching crowd maintains a laidback vibe at this famous fast food haunt. Hungry patrons of all ages and walks of life order classic favorites like the Big Mac, Chicken McNuggets, and the Filet-O-Fish sandwich. As for breakfast (it is the most important meal of the day, after all), this drive-thru king offers both sweet and savory morning meals like the Egg McMuffin and Hotcakes, as well as flavored iced coffees for a much needed java jolt.

IT IS A FUCKING MCDONALD'S, MAN.

This Helen Thomas Business is Bullshit

2010-06-07T14:30:00.003-04:00

I'm becoming increasingly convinced that everybody is ignorant as shit about Israel and just support violent Zionism in some sort of misguided effort to distance themselves from anti-semitism.

Helen Thomas didn't say anything crazy or outlandish. If a people can seize land without heed to residents or law, why is Israel's claim to sovereignty the least bit legitimate? What establishes sovereignty? Law? Obviously not, because Zionists do not heed law. Residents of an area? Obviously not, because Zionists did not heed that either. A nation's sovereignty, as Israel would have it, is entirely determined by the opinion of Zionists, and that is it.

This video (or rather, the commentary at the end) is particularly stupid. So if I am persecuted in my own nation, I have the right to take whatever land I want? I suppose if the person who made that video was kicked out of their house by their spouse, they would take their neighbor's house by force. And then after they fortified the house into a bristling fortress of aggression that can rain nuclear destruction down upon blocks and blocks worth of residential area, they would feel that anybody who does not accept the rationale "What? My own house wouldn't take me. What was I supposed to do?" is a vicious, hateful person.

The US attitude towards Israel has been woefully flawed right from the outset. Harry Truman replied to anti-Zionist pressure with: "I’m sorry, gentlemen, but I have to answer to hundreds of thousands who are anxious for the success of Zionism: I do not have hundreds of thousands of Arabs among my constituents."

Attention immigrants: come here and vote. Then we will fight your wars for you, and not question whether or not you are the right side.

Ghey Got in Bob's Venue

2010-05-27T06:26:00.003-04:00

These dicks are playing at Jaxx. I have no idea who they are, but I'm going to go ahead and say whatever they play sucks dick.

RIP Dio

2010-05-17T04:51:00.000-04:00

WTF

Bob Made a Mix CD

2010-05-07T13:09:00.004-04:00

After a long deliberation, involving much listening to the considered songs, I believe I've arrived at a pretty damn good CD. It's 2 hours, 16 minutes, and 37 seconds, so no conventional audio CD, but still, I think this works. Here follows the tracklist:

1) "Hanger 18" - Megadeth

2) "The Gallows Pole" + "Ballad of a Hangman" - Gravedigger [I edited them into a single track so that if the CD is played shuffled, the intro stays with the appropriate song]

3) "Fast as a Shark" - Accept

4) "Freecard" - Dark Tranquillity

5) "Something Weird" - King Diamond

6) "Redefine Me" - Mercenary

7) "The Prophecy" - Dream Evil

8) "Above the Winter Moonlight" - DragonForce

9) "Still I'm Bleeding" - Angel Dust

10) "Pellonpekko" - Korpiklaani

11) "Die Dead Enough" - Megadeth

12) "Slania's Song" - Eluveitie

13) "Poison Was the Cure" - Megadeth

14) "Burn in Hell" - Dimmu Borgir's cover of Twisted Sister

15) "Silent Scorn" - Megadeth

16) "Cross of Hatred" - Angel Dust

17) "Treacherous Gods" - Ensiferum

18) "The Northern Lights" + "By the Light of the Northern Star" - Týr

19) "To Holmgard and Beyond" - Turisas

20) "These Fighting Words" - DevilDriver

21) "The Dark Moor" - Dark Moor

22) "Under the Sun" - Korpiklaani

23) "Dread and the Fugitive Mind" - Megadeth

24) "To One Far Away" + "Gypsy" - Mercyful Fate

25) "Deadly Sinners" - 3 Inches of Blood

26) "Mana" - Equilibrium

Bob's Making a Mix CD

2010-05-05T10:52:00.016-04:00

I've decided to make a CD that I can hand people who aren't into metal but try to identify with me by saying they like Disturbed, Metallica, and Tool. Such people seem to be the biggest potential converts for metal. I kind of twitch when they keep relating to me with Disturbed and calling it metal, but I don't say anything because being an elitist dick doesn't help spread the music. Also, if I do my job, they'll realize how silly they sounded later. But while trying to make this CD, I've noted some things.

People who aren't into metal don't have much tolerance for it. I know I was that way, I know all of my previous converts were that way, and I know people will be that way when I try to get them to listen to metal. So no giving them a full album to listen to or a band recommendation. They'll just be overwhelmed by what they perceive as a monotony of distorted guitars. Thus the need for a mix CD. A mix CD will give them a variety of styles, hopefully keeping them more interested. But a variety of styles within their tolerance level is important, so most of the death metal is right out and all of the conventional black metal is right out. I certainly have heard enough of "it all sounds the same"; I don't need more of it.

What I end up doing is trying to find stuff that sounds good to me when I try to pretend I don't like metal. Part of this results in me tracking down stuff I liked when I was getting into metal but discarded years ago for various reasons. That was a short-lived episode of "tracking down", though. I haven't lost fondness for much. Mostly just Dream Evil and Dark Tranquillity's "Freecard". "Freecard" is still the only DT song I like, but I didn't keep it because the album blows and I don't keep single songs. Fuck that. Regardless, those two seem like pretty good bets. If I liked it when I was new to metal, it's probably good for my mix CD.

I've also been going through my collection looking for what is palatable to the virgin listener. Angel Dust's Enlighten the Darkness strikes me as a big win. A great clean vocalist ("clean" is the important part) and a songwriting style that is very accessible to the rock/mallcore/metal-lite crowd, but they still have kickass guitarwork and a heavy sound. King Diamond/Mercyful Fate strides that same line, but runs the risk of alienating people due to the vocals. Amorphis, Agalloch, The Hours that Remain-era Mercenary, DragonForce, DevilDriver, 3 Inches of Blood, Dimmu Borgir's cover of "Burn in Hell", Eluveitie, Grave Digger, Black Sabbath, Accept, Iced Earth, Ensiferum, The Arrival-era Hypocrisy, Mastery, Megadeth, and Tyr all sound like pretty good candidates as well. Given my folk metal affinity, however, I'm also keen on finding some Turisas, Korpiklaani, Finntroll, Tuatha de Danann, Equilibrium, Rivendell, and Falkenbach that isn't too offensive to those dipping their toe into my pond.

It's been kind of weird, actually, listening to Dream Evil, Iced Earth, Angel Dust, and King Diamond again while thinking about when I started getting into metal. I had a girlfriend during that time who I dragged with me into the metal world, and now I'm remembering all the conversations we used to have about those bands. I guess I didn't realize how much I missed having someone that close to me who I was able to share metal with. But even she wasn't on the same level I was. When Hypocrisy's Virus came out, I bought that shit day 1 and was immediately excited by how much they were back on track. Until scratch sounds started halfway through the album. And never stopped. I had a defective copy and I was pissed. After a fair bit of hearing me being disappointed, my girlfriend said, "It's just a CD." I then realized, "Oh yeah, music means way more to me than what it means to normal people." I remained disappointed, but silently.

But back to the mix CD. I think another key element is keeping its length under 2 hours (I'd say less, but I think that'd be way too hard). Currently, I'm at about 4 hours. There's a lot I can cut, but I'm already feeling squeezed. People develop an appreciation for 20 minute songs and 120 minute albums, rather than have it innately. They might like Moonsorrow and a 4 hour mix CD years from now, but they sure as shit won't like it today. So I need to cut the running time down as much as I can and keep the song lengths shorter, but fit in as much appeal as I can. This might be the hardest part for me.

I'll see how things go and post the tracklisting when I finish it. (By the way, don't get used to long blog posts. I don't know what my deal is today. I might read this again and go, "The fuck? Who cares? [DELETE]")

Bob Has a By The Light of the Northern Star Shirt

2010-04-29T05:34:00.007-04:00

It's fucking awesome.

What did suck is I missed almost all of Tyr. The friend of mine I go to shows with likes to cut it too fucking close to the sets we want to see just so he doesn't have to see the opening bands. I let it go after we missed like 20 minutes of Megadeth, but now shame on me for letting it happen a second time.

Amon Amarth kicks some major ass live, but man, they played a lot of Twilight of the Thunder God. Don't get me wrong, fucking awesome album, but I already saw them play like half the album last time I saw them. I guess it makes sense to do what they did; most of the crowd there seemed to be mostly familiar with With Oden on Our Side and Twilight of the Thunder God. Shit, they played The Dragons' Flight Across the Waves and got practically zero reaction. Well, except me and my friend.

I found out that Hypocrisy is going to be coming by in fall, so I am pumped. Showing up to the venue last time just to find out they weren't going to be there was incredibly disappointing.

Oh, you know what's a fascinating way to spend time? Listening to the audiobooks of Winston Churchill's books on World War 2. Enthralling.

iPod Business

2010-04-13T12:33:00.003-04:00

So I've been having a ton of trouble with my fucking iPod's battery. Stupid thing got to the point where it would go from full charge to completely dead in 4 hours. I finally bought a new battery and put it in myself. I have yet to see how long this one lasts, but I didn't kill my iPod, and that's something.

But during this process I learned that I've listened to "Mana" from Equilibrium's Sagas 42 times. That's like 11.5 hours of listening to that one song. And that's not counting the time I've spent listening to it in my car or at my computer.

Assorted Things

2010-04-09T09:45:00.004-04:00

1) Google Chrome is more system efficient than Firefox; I believe I may be a convert.

2) Moonsorrow is fucking epic live. A truly amazing show. Their performance at Jaxx earlier this week may be the best I've ever seen, and I've seen all of Rust in Peace live. Yeah. Also, I got two kickass Moonsorrow shirts for $20 each that I can't even find a picture of online.

3) Scratch what I said earlier: I will indeed be seeing Amon Amarth and Tyr. I am poor, but not poor enough to miss that, I have decided.

4) Mandatory viewing here. Note that that is the first of three parts.

Being Poor Stinks Sometimes

2010-03-29T13:56:00.002-04:00

PAX East looked hecka sweet. It'd be nice if I wasn't broke as fuck. And Amon Amarth is coming by with Tyr, and I won't be able to see them. Stupid "having to buy pants so that I don't have to go pantsless all the times" taking all my money. I don't know if anyone knows this, but pants cost money. I was surprised to learn this. I thought I would be provided with pants by the world at large so that it was not subjected to my pale, skinny legs. It turns out this is not the case. Legs, I am disappointed in you. Next year, be grosser. BLACKMAIL THE UNIVERSE INTO DELIVERING UNTO US PANTED GOODS.